Ever Evolving Identity in Motherhood

Identity Changes in Motherhood

I wanted to bring to light something that has been really showing up in my practice lately- Identity changes in motherhood. It is a big conversation and each evolution to motherhood and within motherhood is different. The common ground however is that it is life-changing. I often say having a baby is such a “profound” event in a woman’s life. The shift alters everything and turns oneself sideways or upside down.

Moms come to me wanting to explore why they don’t feel like themselves anymore. I often hear thoughts from moms around not being fun anymore, or being angry all the time or mourning the loss of who they once were. These are common thoughts and can be concerning to the individual.

Becoming a parent, particularly after having a baby, can bring about significant changes in their identity. Here are some common ways in which identity may undergo changes after having a baby:

• Parental Identity: The most obvious change is the emergence of a new parental identity. Becoming a mother or father often becomes a central aspect of one's self-concept, with new responsibilities, challenges, and joys associated with parenthood.

• Prioritizing Family: With the arrival of a baby, priorities often shift. The focus on one's own needs may take a backseat to the well-being and care of the child. This can lead to changes in how individuals view their own roles and responsibilities.

• Changes in Relationships: Parenting can also influence relationships with a partner, friends, and family. The dynamics of these relationships may shift as new priorities and responsibilities emerge.

• Career and Ambitions: The arrival of a baby may prompt reevaluation of career goals and aspirations. Some individuals may choose to adjust their career paths or make decisions based on what is best for the family.

• Self-Image: Body image and self-esteem can be influenced by the physical changes that accompany pregnancy and childbirth. Adjusting to these changes and accepting a new self-image can be a part of the postpartum experience.

• Time Management and Prioritization: Parents often find themselves managing time differently, with a heightened focus on prioritizing tasks that are essential for the well-being of the child. This shift in time management can influence personal and professional aspects of life.

• Emotional Changes: The emotional landscape also undergoes significant changes. Parenthood can bring about a range of emotions, from overwhelming love and joy to feelings of stress, anxiety, and exhaustion.

These changes are highly individual and can vary from person to person. Some individuals may embrace the new identity seamlessly, while others may face challenges in adjusting. Challenges from coping with the adjustment can include anxious or depressive symptoms, loneliness, isolation, anger or resentment. Seeking support from friends, family, or professional resources can be beneficial during this transformative period. Additionally, open communication with a partner can foster understanding and collaboration as both individuals navigate the changes that come with parenthood. You are never alone and with help you can get through this.

Relationship Challenges Postpartum

Shifting Relationships After Baby

there’s hope!

Let’s face it, relationships are hard. They need work and tune ups. ESPECIALLY after having a baby. Your life is turned upside down and twisted on its side. It is so profound, how can it not affect your relationship? Your partner may be feeling some way too. And your sleep probably isn’t the best at this time either which can lead to snappy convos.

Postpartum, the period following childbirth, can be both a joyous and challenging time for new parents. While it's a time of bonding with the newborn and adjusting to a new family dynamic, it can also bring about various relationship challenges. Here are some common challenges that couples may face postpartum:

• Lack of Sleep: New parents often experience sleep deprivation due to the demands of caring for a newborn. Sleep deprivation can lead to increased stress and irritability, impacting communication and patience within the relationship.

• Shift in Priorities: With the arrival of a baby, the focus naturally shifts from the couple's relationship to caring for the child. This shift can leave one or both partners feeling neglected or disconnected.

• Emotional Rollercoaster: Hormonal changes and the stress of adjusting to parenthood can result in mood swings and emotional upheavals. One partner's emotions may be difficult for the other to understand or handle.

• Division of Responsibilities: Deciding on how to divide childcare and household responsibilities can lead to disagreements and resentments if not communicated effectively.

• Lack of Intimacy: Physical intimacy often takes a backseat during the postpartum period due to fatigue, body changes, and concerns about the baby's presence.

• Communication Challenges: Exhaustion and stress may hinder effective communication, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

• Different Parenting Styles: Partners may have different approaches to parenting, which can cause disagreements and tensions.

• Social Isolation: The demands of caring for a newborn can limit a couple's social life and support network, leading to feelings of isolation.

• Financial Stress: The financial burden of raising a child can be stressful, particularly if one or both partners experience a change in work status or income.

• Resentment and Unmet Expectations: Unrealistic expectations of parenthood or unmet expectations of each other can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction within the relationship.

Tips for Addressing Postpartum Relationship Challenges:

• Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings and concerns.

• Be understanding and empathetic towards each other's experiences and emotions.

• Make time for each other, even if it's just a few minutes a day to connect and check-in.

• Seek support from friends, family, or professionals to alleviate some of the stress.

• Divide responsibilities and tasks based on each partner's strengths and preferences.

• Be patient with yourself and your partner as you navigate this new chapter together.

• Prioritize self-care and encourage each other to take breaks when needed.

• Attend parenting classes or counseling together to learn effective communication and parenting strategies.

• Remember that it's normal to have challenges; seeking help doesn't mean failure, but rather a commitment to your relationship and family's well-being.

If you find that the challenges are persisting and impacting your relationship significantly, seeking professional counseling or therapy can be beneficial in providing guidance and support during this time. Tend to it before the resentment seeps in.